It’s been a couple of months since I’ve been able to sit down and actually write anything on a story. I finished a short story back in mid-June, but hadn’t been able to put the proverbial pen to paper since then. Every time I pulled up a story to work on it, I’d just stare at the cursor blinking, then get frustrated and close it all down. I’ve written a total of maybe three paragraphs since June, across a couple of stories, and while I like what I’ve written, it’s not likely to get finished anytime soon at that pace.
What happened? Why was I previously able to crank out thousands of words a day, but now I can’t even get a sentence out? I’ve hunted in my head for the answers, and I think I might have started to figure it out. I’m not happy with the answer, but knowing might help me get past it.
I think a big chunk of it is frustration with how the first book has done. Since I relaunched it as my own, self-published book, I’ve made a grand total of…1 copy. I’ve done some marketing, I’ve done a couple of promotions on Amazon, and…1 copy. Its very disheartening. I know, intellectually, that without a lot more investment in promotion and advertising, it’ll be hard to sell very many copies, but it’s still frustrating. And it’s got me in a bit of a funk. I kind of don’t want to work on writing more books right now, if there’s not going to be people reading them.
I know a lot of authors say, “Oh, I’d still write even if no one were reading them.” And, admittedly, I’ve written lots of stuff no one has ever read (my previous efforts at self-publishing a couple of years ago can attest to that). But at some point, the whole reason for writing these stories is so that someone else can read them. If it’s just for me, why spend all the money on editing and covers? Why bother?
All of this sounds very self-pitying, and I hate that. I hate the funk it’s got me in. I want to get back to enjoying writing.
But! I’m hoping writing this all down, putting it out there, will kick me in the pants and get me motivated to turn it around. Here’s hoping.