“I’m Afraid of Silence”

Rough draft of a poem I’ve been working on, in case you were wanting a closer look at occasionally-fragile mental state.

I’m afraid of silence
Of the thoughts that bubble up, unbidden,
When I am quiet
So I surround myself with noise
Aural chaff, static to fill the void.

I’m afraid of simplicity
So I make things more complicated than they really need to be
I fill each moment with too much
Of everything
As a distraction from the truth.

I’m afraid of happiness
Of what it might mean to allow myself to just be me
To just be content in my own skin
So I surround myself with things
To distract my thoughts
The ones that come in the silence
That tell me it’s okay to have simplicity
It’s okay to let myself
Enjoy myself
Be myself
Once in a while.
I’m afraid.

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